Today I Celebrate 18 Years

Today is my birthday. Today is eighteen years since I felt a lump on my breast. I remember feeling intense fear, sadness, disbelief and so many scary emotions.  I knew in my heart that things would never be the same again. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my son was five and a half months old. I remember thinking he would have no memories of me. I prayed and hoped I would make the five year mark to see him

step on the school bus so he would remember me. Day in and day out through surgery, grueling chemotherapy and radiation treatments I imagined him getting on the school bus. Whenever I felt sick and wanted to give in I visualized him waving goodbye to me on the school bus. Five years later when the day arrived I imagined sobbing at the bus stop. Ironically the bus never came the first few days and I drove

him to school. It was a dream come true for me to reach five years of survival.

Every year I set new goals for living another year and watching him grow up. Amazingly it is now time to send him off to college as he gets ready to spread his wings and leave home.  Thinking back and realizing I never in my wildest dreams believed I would see this milestone.

I always dream in smaller increments and am so thankful when that day arrives. Now I visualize and dream of his college graduation - four more years please. What a blessing to be alive and healthy. I am very grateful and appreciative for the gift of eighteen years. 

Books that helped me as I recovered:
Dr Susan Love's Breast Book
Full Catastrophe Living - Jon Kabat Zinn