Time To Come Out Of The Closet

Written in March 2014 

It's time for me to come out of the closet. Some of you already know and for those of you who don't, here goes...

A week before relocating from New Jersey to Florida, I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene. This means I have an 87% chance of getting breast cancer or a recurrence (duh, I had breast cancer 19 years ago) and a 50% chance of getting ovarian cancer. In December, a month after moving, I had my ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed taking care of the ovarian cancer risk. I recovered well from the first surgery and am enjoying life in sunny Florida. On March 18th, I will be having a prophylactic double mastectomy, while not looking forward to the surgery and recovery - I am focusing on the positive statistics that will reduce my breast cancer risk from 87% to 3%. 

I am very grateful I live in a time where I have options and can be proactive about my health. 

I am so lucky to have found excellent surgeons I trust and to be surrounded by a wonderful network of love, support and caring.

As Angelina Jolie stated "Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of". I have always been a warrior and I plan on coming out of this next battle stronger and better than ever.~ Karen

P.S. The photo was taken as I went into surgery. It is now seven months since surgery and I am feeling fabulous.

Have you hugged someone today?

Sometimes a hug is all one needs. A hug conveys so much more than words. The act of holding someone in a hug strips away barriers that often cannot be voiced in words. I didn't always love hugging people despite growing up in a family where hugs and kisses were frequently given. Everyone hugged and kissed at family gatherings - both when arriving and departing.

I guess I never gave much thought to the value of a hug. The past few weeks I seem to have been hugging many people. Recently it was the anniversary of a friend's son's passing and when I saw my friend I gave her a hug and held her for a long time while she cried. Afterwards she thanked me and remarked that the hug helped. There were others I hugged; a person recently diagnosed with cancer, another who recently lost his job and a friend who I hadn't seen in awhile.

Then yesterday I gave away another much needed hug. A friend's engagement was called off and he came  to talk. When I saw him I hugged him for a long time. Initially he pushed me away but I kept holding him. After a few minutes he released from the hug and commented how he really needed that hug.

I thought about how hugs are free and yet so many people have lost the art of hugging. I remember how Princess Diana was so liberal with all her hugs and how she touched so many lives. Hugs are truly so easy to give away, they feel great and I think the more one hugs the easier it gets to give out hugs. Hugging truly is priceless and I believe we all need to start hugging more.

 My question to you - have you hugged someone today?


I love hugs. I also appreciate donations to help this blog keep going ~ Karen

Now it is time to seek refuge

To go within the silence

To access your inner self

To listen to your spirit

To feel your heart

To hear the whisper of your soul

The Rose

Each of us has our own journey

To travel

Each of us our path to travel

There are thorns to be encountered

And roses to be smelled

At times it seems as though

The rose bush is one of only thorns

Today I Celebrate 18 Years

Today is my birthday. Today is eighteen years since I felt a lump on my breast. I remember feeling intense fear, sadness, disbelief and so many scary emotions.  I knew in my heart that things would never be the same again. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my son was five and a half months old. I remember thinking he would have no memories of me. I prayed and hoped I would make the five year mark to see him

step on the school bus so he would remember me. Day in and day out through surgery, grueling chemotherapy and radiation treatments I imagined him getting on the school bus. Whenever I felt sick and wanted to give in I visualized him waving goodbye to me on the school bus. Five years later when the day arrived I imagined sobbing at the bus stop. Ironically the bus never came the first few days and I drove

him to school. It was a dream come true for me to reach five years of survival.

Every year I set new goals for living another year and watching him grow up. Amazingly it is now time to send him off to college as he gets ready to spread his wings and leave home.  Thinking back and realizing I never in my wildest dreams believed I would see this milestone.

I always dream in smaller increments and am so thankful when that day arrives. Now I visualize and dream of his college graduation - four more years please. What a blessing to be alive and healthy. I am very grateful and appreciative for the gift of eighteen years. 

Books that helped me as I recovered:
Dr Susan Love's Breast Book
Full Catastrophe Living - Jon Kabat Zinn

Haven Of Peace