Time To Come Out Of The Closet

Written in March 2014 

It's time for me to come out of the closet. Some of you already know and for those of you who don't, here goes...

A week before relocating from New Jersey to Florida, I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene. This means I have an 87% chance of getting breast cancer or a recurrence (duh, I had breast cancer 19 years ago) and a 50% chance of getting ovarian cancer. In December, a month after moving, I had my ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed taking care of the ovarian cancer risk. I recovered well from the first surgery and am enjoying life in sunny Florida. On March 18th, I will be having a prophylactic double mastectomy, while not looking forward to the surgery and recovery - I am focusing on the positive statistics that will reduce my breast cancer risk from 87% to 3%. 

I am very grateful I live in a time where I have options and can be proactive about my health. 

I am so lucky to have found excellent surgeons I trust and to be surrounded by a wonderful network of love, support and caring.

As Angelina Jolie stated "Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of". I have always been a warrior and I plan on coming out of this next battle stronger and better than ever.~ Karen

P.S. The photo was taken as I went into surgery. It is now seven months since surgery and I am feeling fabulous.

Nobody is immune from Tragedy

From the Silver Linings writing in the book - The Whisper Of Your Soul

Tough Times

Please visit The Whisper Of Your Soul website

Love will always prevail

We live in a dichotomous society

One of many contradictions

And one of polar opposites

We live in a time

Of peace and war

Of riches and poverty

Of faith and lack of faith

Of health and sickness

We live in a time of great change

There is so much good

In the world

Yet the flip side

Is that there is 

An element that is not so good

Love of self is lost

And is not replenished

People live in hatred

And fear

And evil overcomes good

In many places

Yet always

There are specks of love

There are moments of joy

And the hope is

That these specks

Will transform into love

Starting at the essence

Starting with one individual

Each individual

Practicing the art of self love

One moment to the next

Thinking loving thoughts

Feeling loving thoughts

Knowing loving thoughts

It all starts with the

First thought of love

There are no easy answers

There are no quick fixes

As to how each person

Can love themselves

Yet the more

People love themselves

The more the circles of love

Grow and expand

And the hope is eternal

That love will always prevail

By Karen Hackel

May, 1995 - This journal entry was written nine months after my Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Fifteen minutes of waiting for the Young Breast Cancer Survivors Group to begin. Celebrating our lives, our common thread of having shared the Breast Cancer experience and all the fears that go with it. My new sisterhood - women drawn from different walks of life, in our prime, having to go through something we thought would never happen to us.

So many questions and so much unknown but needing to accept that it is all going to be okay and this is the way it is. Life has its ups and downs and sometimes throws us curve-balls when we least expect them. Having to accept the setbacks as one of life's many lessons and surely one of life's setbacks. Everything is not always the way I dreamed it would be - but with maturity has come the knowledge that the fabric of life is made of joy and sorrow. I know I cannot always expect good times and there may be hardships behind me and hardships ahead of me - but I can choose to react in a positive and accepting way.

I do believe everything is for a reason and I know I must not analyze everything, yet I mustn't be totally positive and just accept it. So - it is a balancing act of coming to a middle road of analysis and acceptance. Sometimes I feel so centered and so together and other times so fragmented as though I am falling into a deep pit. Luckily those times are infrequent but they do scare me.

The mind is so powerful and empowering and I need to use my mind more to move forward and grow and develop into a more peaceful space.

Karen

Breast cancer Blog - Today I celebrate 18 Years

Books:
Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book 
Living Well Beyond Breast Cancer
Spinning Straw into Gold, Your Emotional Recovery From Breast Cancer

Find Your Center

The stillness of the night

Gives way

To the noise of the day

Darkness becomes light

Quiet turns to sound

They balance each other

Like weights on a scale

Peace and harmony

Tipping the scale

In one direction

War and discord

Countering the scale

In another direction

Finding the center

Finding the balance

Finding the core

A balancing act

To find one’s center

Some people gravitate

To a center of peace

Yet other people

Gravitate towards discord

Each person’s center

Their own to claim

Their own to find

Their own to balance

The scales work together

Towards balance

Towards equilibrium

Towards the center

Yet there are always

Opposing forces

Pulling in opposite directions

Tipping the scales

This way and that way

You need to find the center

You need to find your center

The center is unique to you

It is your equilibrium

It is your balance

It is your core

Finding your center

Honoring your center

Loving your center

Will enable you to

Radiate from within your center

And grow your circle

Outward

Upward

And beyond

Yet first and foremost

You need to find your center

Now it is time to seek refuge

To go within the silence

To access your inner self

To listen to your spirit

To feel your heart

To hear the whisper of your soul

Self-Love

The art of loving oneself

Is a love that is

Kind and graceful

By loving yourself

Unconditionally and

Without judgment

There is only good intent

We Rise Up ...

The dawn is the sign of a new day

So fresh

The dew on the ground

Signaling the overnight mist

And the new day breaks

The sun is rising as it always does

To sweep over you for another day

Today I Celebrate 18 Years

Today is my birthday. Today is eighteen years since I felt a lump on my breast. I remember feeling intense fear, sadness, disbelief and so many scary emotions.  I knew in my heart that things would never be the same again. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my son was five and a half months old. I remember thinking he would have no memories of me. I prayed and hoped I would make the five year mark to see him

step on the school bus so he would remember me. Day in and day out through surgery, grueling chemotherapy and radiation treatments I imagined him getting on the school bus. Whenever I felt sick and wanted to give in I visualized him waving goodbye to me on the school bus. Five years later when the day arrived I imagined sobbing at the bus stop. Ironically the bus never came the first few days and I drove

him to school. It was a dream come true for me to reach five years of survival.

Every year I set new goals for living another year and watching him grow up. Amazingly it is now time to send him off to college as he gets ready to spread his wings and leave home.  Thinking back and realizing I never in my wildest dreams believed I would see this milestone.

I always dream in smaller increments and am so thankful when that day arrives. Now I visualize and dream of his college graduation - four more years please. What a blessing to be alive and healthy. I am very grateful and appreciative for the gift of eighteen years. 

Books that helped me as I recovered:
Dr Susan Love's Breast Book
Full Catastrophe Living - Jon Kabat Zinn

What makes a Strong Woman?

Love this poster. I asked on my Facebook page what makes a strong woman? The above poster was created by all the amazing responses. Thanks to everyone for the great comments - Karen

To buy a postcard print - please visit - http://www.thewhisperofyoursoul.com/Store